Everything Fun is Forbidden

“I hate that your job makes you travel so much,” she said.

“Why? I’m working, baby. It’s part of my job and I’ve had this job as long as I’ve known you,” he said.

“Well, all I can think of is what you told me about your last girlfriend and all the traveling she did for her job. And how when she was away, you went and fucked that other girl. Frequently. And then you eventually broke up with your girlfriend because you told her you didn’t love her anymore. And I guess it makes it terrifying to trust you. All I can think of is you, my man… out there on the road. Fucking everyone else. And I’m just sitting here. Like a fool. Your little woman in waiting. Always waiting. Fucking always waiting, babe. You don’t know what it’s like to miss you. You’ll never have a clue,” she said.

“But baby… I’m the one traveling. Shouldn’t I be the one worrying about you going out and fucking other men because I’m gone so much?” he said.
“No. Because you’re the only one I want and I know that. I just wish you thought that about me too. But I know you don’t. And you never will. And it’s obvious,” she said. “It’s a hard slap in the face when you realize the person you’re loving… just busy loving so much… doesn’t see you and just… doesn’t care. And you don’t know what to do with yourself when you realize it so you just do what comes naturally and you just keep loving them and hoping they’ll love you back the same way and finally see you and understand that you’ve been there behind them this whole time; this tiny cheering section, this one person standing ovation, this hand on your shoulder- always telling you how perfectly amazing you are and how much you deserve the world. And therein lies the problem… while loving you, I created a monster. You don’t see me because I have shown you how much more there is to see beyond what stands behind you. I planted my feet behind you there, in love, to always ensure you had a support system… of course you could never see me… In loving you, I pushed you out into the world as if I wanted you to conquer it on your own… when all I really wanted was to take it down with you.”

He stopped fiddling with his tie then and closed his arms around her. She lifted her face to his, searching his eyes for what she was always hopeful she’d find in their depths. She didn’t find it this time.  He held her chin, kissed her mouth and told her goodbye.

She’s still waiting for him to come back.

I walked out into the blaze of a sticky summer night. It was 11pm. It was 90*. And there you were with that grin that took my knees out. As long as its a slow burn, I’ll fall thru all the ages. Just for one glimpse into your glimmering face.

The sky was living this night.
There was an electricity to it, the cobalt illuminated.
And I can see the stars awakening.
Each one winking in and out and alive.
Watching, as Lady Sunset retires to her bed chamber
and takes her persimmon bustle with her.
My skin quivers, trying to chase away the chill.
I have also taken cover now, my mind brewing.
And again, in this dark, I am rolling around the thought of you.
Maybe it’s because days have passed
since the symphony of your voice
flowed into my dreams.
Maybe because this bed stands frozen.
Maybe because it is so damn big
without your shoulders spanning the width.

I envision the form of a candle,
perched cliff-side.
It’s light extends, spinning slow circles.
My navigator to you.
And I followed it as much as allowed.
Almost close enough to be locked
into your forevers.
But you sailed away too soon, my dear.