I’ve stopped thinking of you for now. Though, I know my hand moving against these stiff fibers says otherwise. No. Whats been on my mind this morning consists of silver. Sparkling and endless and at home to the left. And how much the vision of this, the knowledge of their power means. And what I’ve done against morality. I have betrayed him and myself to those truths. I’ve been thinking of him. I have known and loved and committed for years and yet, we remain strangers. Yes, I know the scent of his breath and body. Yes, I know the rough of his fingers as they explore me. Yes, I know the taste of his seed. What I lack, however, is the knowledge of his maze. The one that works its way into the depths of his gray matter. You’d think after all this time spent in unity, I’d have at least seen its entrance. I have also noticed that the nimble limbs of subconsciousness have quietly been unraveling my ties to him. I am finding, under each once glistening thread pulled away, links of dull iron rest, withered and disintegrating. One hand forms claws and tears swiftly and with fury. Desperate to loose the binds against each weakened joint. The other hand grows needles and begins to gently sew back together the damages done. Working in silence to cover and solidify. I am not alone but I am lonely. With him by my side, the confinement is solitary. And I breathe only his name now. Though I can’t put much force behind it. The tune of it rings out so foreign. You see I’ve given him blood and tears and time enough. My voice forgets how to make a sound as they fall on deaf ears anyhow. And now, only my eyes can speak. They say all the things my mouth can’t find the courage to muster. I could ask him to swim there in those eyes. To dive deep into the muddy darkness and swim. Swim for hours. Days if he must. To circle their diameter and tell me what he’s discovered. If there’s a soul, could he feel it’s radiation? I can feel it. But he would find this heart is burning for you.
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